Life is a Jar

Do you feel like your life is going nowhere? Do you feel unsatisfied at the end of your day? Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions? Do you find yourself focusing on the small stuff? Do you have a difficult time setting your priorities? Do you know what your priorities are? What are you trying to optimize in your life? Happiness? Meaning? Your legacy? What activities drive the needle to move closer to where you want to be? This article might benefit you if the previous questions resonated. It certainly helped me.

The video below does a better job of telling the story but here is the gist of it. Fill a pickle jar with golf balls. You will still have room for smaller pebbles to fill in the gaps. You can then fill the remaining space with sand. Most people think that the jar is completely full at this point. However, you can still slowly pour a significant amount of water into the jar before it overflows.

Life is the jar. Some folks have a bigger jar than others but no one knows how big their jar is until the lights go out. We all have a finite amount of time and energy. We probably won’t be able to do everything we set out to accomplish. We all have to choose what we pay attention to. The jar analogy provides insight into what we ought to prioritize.

What you might consider a golf ball will depend on the individual. The size of each ball will also change throughout your life. You might value your family less in your teenage years and more as you get older for example. That said, a few common examples of golf balls are your friends, your family, your health, and your passions. Some other important things (pebbles) might include your career, your home, your guitar, and other things that you find of value. Lastly, the sand is everything else. Notice how each category becomes less universal as it drops in importance.

Most of us prioritize the sand. This leaves no room for the golf balls and pebbles. We say yes to too many things. We start our days with the easiest most urgent tasks (responding to email for example). We obsess over the small stuff that doesn’t move the needle. Being busy has become culturally virtuous. Being busy implies a lack of control over your schedule. Some circumstances demand full days of grind. However, most folks have a tendency to fill their days with minutia to numb the discomfort of boredom and meaninglessness.

Many people came up with different techniques to remedy this problem. Derek Sivers calls it Hell Yeah or No. He thinks that we should say yes to everything early in our life and eventually say no to everything unless it’s a “Hell Yeah” opportunity. Stephen R. Covey calls it putting first things first. He thinks we should spend most of our time on tasks that are important and not urgent (Quadrant II activities). Richard Koch calls it the 80/20 Principle. He thinks that we should prioritize the 20% of activities that provide 80% of the results. Tim Ferris asks himself the two questions below when looking at his calendar from the previous week.

1. Which 20% of sources are causing 80% of my problems and unhappiness?
2. Which 20% of sources are resulting in 80% of my desired outcomes and happiness?

Building better habits isn’t about littering your day with life hacks. It’s not about flossing one tooth each night or taking a cold shower each morning or wearing the same outfit each day. It’s not about achieving external measures of success like earning more money, losing weight, or reducing stress. Habits can help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having something. They are about becoming someone.

James Clear – Atomic Habits

I wanted to apply the jar analogy to my life. It’s only after reading Atomic Habits (see full book notes) and stumbling on one of the author’s tweets that I connected the dots.

We are bombarded by new fads and habits we are told we should pick up. I wanted to go back to the basics. I set out to identify the golf balls of my life. I wanted to list the habits that compound in the long term instead of merely making us feel good in the present? I wanted to find the least number of time-tested habits that will be enough for the life I am trying to live. I wanted to find the few things that if completed, I could feel satisfied with my day. I was essentially trying to apply minimalism to my habits. I wanted to set the bar relatively low and clear it every day.

I created this Notion template to keep track of my big rock habits. Here are my current golf balls:

1. Sleep 8+ hours every day
2. Save at least 10% of income
3. Resistance training 3x per week
4. Meaningful social interactions at least 2x per week
5. Read every day
6. Walk every day
7. Practice reflection daily
8. Plan upcoming day
9. Drink more water and less of everything else
10. Home cook most of my meals
11. Make my bed
12. Brush my teeth 2x per day
13. Shower 1x per day

The two habits that could currently improve in terms of consistency are to read every day and to do some form of resistance training 3x per week. An important note is that some of these habits (bed, teeth, shower, social, …) are already automatic for many. This narrows the list even more. It lets you focus on what needs attention.

I have found that the habits strike a good balance between delayed and instant gratification. Sleeping well makes you feel good. Saving ten percent of your income can go unnoticed if automated. You can get to a point where exercising gives you more energy and makes you feel good in your body. Meaningful social interactions are pleasant by definition but also strengthens your social support system for the future. Reading should be pleasant. If it isn’t find something you enjoy reading. The knowledge you gain while reading compounds just as much if not more than the money you are investing. I could keep going down the list but you get the idea.

It does not make sense to sacrifice the future at the expense of the present given that our life is a series of present moments. That said, the future that you have sacrificed for will eventually be a present moment. A balance must be struck.

It is a great feeling to be satisfied with your day if you’re someone who feels like they always need to do more. Listing and focusing on your big rocks extend beyond feeling satisfied with your days. It gives you confidence that you are moving towards something, that you have a foundation, that your future will take care of itself.

The idea is not to neurotically check off the items on your list. Life is messy. You almost certainly won’t sleep 8+ hours every night. You won’t be able to eat “real food” all the time. You won’t get your social interactions if you are attending a silent retreat. The big rocks simply give you a framework to evaluate your life. They allow you to check-in with yourself and come back to the center.

Articles you might like if you’ve enjoyed reading this one

• What I Learned from Tracking my Mood for 1000 days
• The Do-Nothing Morning Routine Experiment
• No Phone in the Morning Experiment
• Atomic Habits – Book Notes

Affiliate Links

1. Atomic Habits – By James Clear
2. Hell Yeah or No – Derek Sivers
3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. covey
4. The 80/20 Principle – Richard Koch