An everyday guide to navigating chaos
To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.
Marcus Aurelius – Meditations
A man is born gentle and weak; at his death he is hard and stiff. All things, including the grass and trees, are soft and pliable in life; dry and brittle in death. Stiffness is thus a companion of death; flexibility a companion of life. An army that cannot yield will be defeated. A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind. The hard and stiff will be broken; the soft and supple will prevail.
Lao Tzu – Tao Te Ching
Two quotes. Two philosophies. Eastern and western. In opposition, they appear at first glance. Perhaps, they are the two sides of the same coin.
Both eastern and western philosophies find it silly to try to cling to life’s natural ups and downs. Marcus Aurelius proposes to be still and unshakable when faced with a storm. Lao Tsu suggests to bend with the wind instead to minimize its impacts and perhaps even use its energy to grow stronger. Both are valid mental models for facing the chaotic nature of the world.
The rock analogy is a powerful one. Being able to stay calm in the heat of an argument with your partner is a superpower. Like all things, it does come at a cost, however. Turning down the volume on the lows simultaneously decreases the intensity of the highs. Thick skin is developed over time. This new shield doesn’t allow the highs to be experienced in the same warm and mushy way they once could. This approach might have been a necessary adaptation to a turbulent environment. The problem is that we are not snakes. We don’t shed our skin a few times a year. Instead, we tend to carry our adaptations with us just in case the old threats resurface. Being numb to life’s ups and downs is no way to spend your days.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Katy Perry – Firework
Perhaps it’s time we rethink the rock analogy. Perhaps it’s time to moisturize the skin and bring back some suppleness. A firmly planted tree may serve as a better model. It’s more flexible than Aurelius’ rock without making us a pushover. A tree still responds to its environment. In fact, it lives off of it and its roots grow deeper as a result of the strong winds. This model allows us to dance in the wind without simply drifting like Katy Perry’s plastic bag.
The key is to integrate both mental models into a response that is dependent on the situation at hand. Sometimes we need to be strong and face the waves head-on. Most of the time, we are best served to hold a strong sense of integrity (our roots) and let the rest bend according to the situation at hand. We don’t have to step off the wheel completely. We can move towards the center to find stillness from within. A rock that doesn’t need to be picked up is weightless.